There are moments in life when you really question what you do. There are times when everything which made perfect sense prior to a sudden wave of doubting somewhat loses its meaning. You spend your time erecting and adhering to moral values and virtues, and like a wind changing its direction, your principles and beliefs are swept away; they crumble, they crash like a house of cards. I consider myself to be at times a morally upright, maybe even righteous kind of guy. I've got one hell of an armour to protect me from outside insanity, but oftentimes I have the feeling that those insane outsiders know where my weak spot is and thrive on jabbing at it. Slowly but surely they gnaw at my armour and the hole leading to the weak spot gets bigger and bigger. I am aware of this hole, but no matter how gaping it may be, I have difficulty in fending off the intruder, and I feel exposed to life's uncertainties and assaults.
Suffering and joy have both taught me well in recent months. Life presented me with challenges, and now, sanity has returned. I stand tall. Although some dark clouds do indeed remain, spread haphazardly in the sky above me, I look at my prospects with renewed hope. Like the phoenix, I too will rise from the fires and ashes, spread my wings, and roar my bravery.
Bringing this down from the clouds and back to the new manuscript, I reckon I'm in an in-between phase. My emotions dart from hot to cold, back to hot again, and so forth. Some days I read what I've written and think I'm just so awesome; other days I wonder what the heck crossed my mind before writing such a pile of crap. Fortunately, I'm an eager and optimistic person, I like to be methodical. I've been through this before with 'Out of Bounds', and I can tell that my writing has improved, generally-speaking of course. I've learnt lessons with my first novel and now I apply my newly-gained knowledge to the second novel. The reason why I'm experiencing these pangs of doubt is that I'm soon going to be sharing my new manuscript. It's a second novel, and so the stakes will be even higher this time. I've been through the process and those who'll give me feedback will, I expect, be more ruthless - well, at least I hope they will be.
I tend to agree with a recent and well-written review of 'Out of Bounds' which exposes quite succinctly what could be considered as my flaws. Basically, my writing could have been improved by a professional edit, with tweaks to an occasionally odd style of dialogue. It was considered that the narrative stopped flowing at times and some bits were a bit clunky. This is constructive feedback I have to take on board, and I'm keeping it in mind as I edit the new manuscript.
The final approximate word count is 115,000. I have a tentative title. I have to finish re-reading it for the umpteenth time, and then I'll submit it for proof-reading before mid-October. Assuming the proof-read takes as long as the proof-read for 'Out of Bounds', I should have collected all the feedback before the turn of the year. This means I'll be seeking representation via literary agents as of January 2015.
Stay tuned, I hope to break more news in the months to come.
Hopefully, this time round I'll be able to better put forward my potential as a writer, brand myself, and take the momentum to a whole new stage.
Stay tuned, this is my second chance.
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